The Art of Winning

Notes on Dan Carter’s book

I read Dan Carter’s The Art of Winning two years ago. A story I find myself often retelling is how, after any significant performance, New Zealand Rugby’s CEO, Steve Tew, would walk up to him at the post match conference, kick the soles of Dan’s shoes. “Just checking…” he’d say. “Just checking that your feet are still on the ground.”

He says his oldest friends from school and university will be the first ones to rib him playfully about the one kick he missed at the same time the newspapers were blowing his trumpet. There’s also a brilliant story about him playing for his childhood club for the first time as an adult, with 50+ Tests under his belt. He was returning to match fitness after an Achilles tendon injury and his kicking was horrendous that day. He missed his first five kicks and when he finally kicked one over from in front of the poles, the whole crowd erupted in applause – “somewhat ironically” he adds. He loves his oldest mates, and enjoys being reminded of where he comes from.

The Art of Winning is right up there with the best rugby books I’ve read. Alongside some great storytelling, it offers a take on the topic of leadership and performance that is human and insightful, but also practical.

I’ve been thinking about the book in the context of the oft-repeated idea that you are the sum of the five people you spend most of your time with. This advice is regularly given in the context of your professional path, or to suggest you’ll earn the average of the salaries of the five people you spend most of your time with.

To take it further, the climbers suggest that you actually have to leave the friends you have behind and find newer ones that better align with your goals if you want to achieve anything in life. I heard it in a conversation below between two of the biggest podcast bros in the world – I don’t need to name them, you can search for it yourself:

“One of the difficult realisations of people who want to change their life is that if you do it well, you might have to go through a period where you let go of all of your friends. But the really bad realisation is if you do it really well, you might have to do that multiple times throughout your life.”
- Bro

This is bizarre. But I also think it’s inaccurate. Perhaps, if you were wanting to relive your student days in the pub with your old friends several nights a week, that might be detrimental to your growth. That’s obvious though, isn’t it? But as you move through your twenties, thirties and forties the expectations from your friends typically shift a little.

When I think about the five people I spend the most time with, they don’t lack success or ambition. But they are kind, curious, warm, comfortable in their own skin and, most importantly, they make life more enjoyable. These are the kinds of qualities I’d like to be the average of.

In 2018, with his Test career behind him and two Rugby World Cup winner’s medals in his locker among countless other accolades (World Rugby Player of the Year in 2005, 2012 and 2015 among them), Dan Carter joined the Kobe Steelers in Japan to play out the remainder of his career. He joined one of the most important coaches in his career, The Professor, Wayne Smith.

Smith suggested to Dan one day that, as he was already so regimented in planning out his week, why doesn’t he take the time to add a few things that he’s grateful for, and he started logging them before he went to bed each night.

“The constant, habit-based approach eventually pays off because reminding yourself of what you have to be grateful for, you become more aware of it generally. It helps put things into perspective. It’s a really important tool to keep your feet on the ground, to not let you get ahead of yourself. Making gratitude a habit trains the brain – repurposes it, if you like – to tune in to more positive things in life, to seek out more reasons for gratitude.”
- Dan Carter

One of the joys of my life has been picking up new friends, contemporaries and working partnerships over the decades. Each has enriched my life in good and surprising ways. I don’t think you need to leave people behind though. You may find yourself optimising for what you think you might want, but not what you need.

If you haven’t approached your closest relationships as utilitarian means to an end, this is probably not a good time to start. If performance is what you’re after, Dan Carter may suggest that you’ll be far better off spending some time being grateful for what you already have.